you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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