I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
