chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
