And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
