That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
