ADVERTISEMENT

• (770): View more from Georgia

  Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk

  (678): View more from Georgia

  discrete masterbation is a lost art

  Fav 32 948 3044

  share tweet
  

• (502): View more from Kentucky

  you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...

  Fav 4 835 3795

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (612): View more from Minnesota

  the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."

  Fav 19 9772 1360

  share tweet
  

• (757): View more from Virginia

  I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well

  Fav 7 4785 1592

  share tweet
  

• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.

  Fav 8 5419 2256

  share tweet
  

• (859): View more from Kentucky

  My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.

  Fav 9 904 5924

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (203): View more from Connecticut

  some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"

  Fav 12 3278 1572

  share tweet
  

• (909): View more from California

  He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.

  Fav 4 3377 999

  share tweet
  

• (719): View more from Colorado

  he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong

  (813): View more from Florida

  Thats admirable.

  Fav 7 1669 944

  share tweet
  

• (860): View more from Connecticut

  One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?

  Fav 2 797 379

  share tweet
  

• (864): View more from South Carolina

  A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.

  Fav 4 243 483

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (507): View more from Minnesota

  I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"

  Fav 1 27 60

  share tweet
  

• (206): View more from Washington

  I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.

  Fav 0 93 7

  share tweet
  

• (210): View more from Texas

  New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?

  Fav 0 17 33

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (416): View more from Toronto

  I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.

  Fav 0 71 9

  share tweet
  

Randomize