i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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