I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
