shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
its liver damage thursday
Randomize