So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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