The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
