shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Randomize
