Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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