My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
