Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
