soooo we both peed the bed last night...
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
