don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
