Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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