omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
