Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
