So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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