i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
