i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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