remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
