I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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