I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
