i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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