I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
