are you so shy because you have an std?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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