i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
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