She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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