after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
