there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
