I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
