these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
