I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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