i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize