ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
my shit smells like andre
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
there is puke in my bra ... again
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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