They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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