i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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