I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
