I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
