so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
