actually, I'm a sock model
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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