Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
