It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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