Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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