I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
