please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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