I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
