I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
