Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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