Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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