Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I am mentally ready for anal.
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