watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
