maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
