I wish I could punch you in the face.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
