p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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