puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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