i jhust puked up my retainher.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize