it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
