I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
