You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
