my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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