im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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