We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
