Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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