There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize