Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
