My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I have tasted many bathrooms
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
