WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
