i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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