I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
