I heard we made out
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Don't EVER smell your tampon
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
