Well douche your snatch and let's go!
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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