how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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