Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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