By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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