I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
