i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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