I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
