If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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