we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
