coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
