Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
