I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
