i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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