Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
