I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
