me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Enjoy the penises
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
