Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
