the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
