I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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