We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
