i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize