I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
