I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
