The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
