I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
