Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
