Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
