Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize